If you were a man,
I had be gay! ( or most probably tell you to change your sex)
If you were a woman,
No problemo then!
If you were a monitor,
I had be the computer screen,
If you were not there,
My life would be incomplete......

I bet you must be thinking that this some lousy poetry that i wrote for some lousy person. In fact, it is for one thing i love the most STAGE!
YEAH BABY! STAGE! Its one thing that gets me on! Its better than a Pamela Anderson lap Dance( ow! wrong example, she is way too large for a lap) lets say, a Megan Fox lap dance. Really! The stage really gets me going. It is some sort of a power you know.
i go totally crazy. A NUT CASE! A FOOZ-BALL let LOOSE!

During the orientation program of my juniors at my college, I went on stage to talk to em. It was an awesome treat! When i went off stage, one of the teachers said, "As soon as you were on stage, our hearts were in our mouth! We were scared about what you would blabber." To this i promptly replied "Even i was scared about that"

Sometimes the stage gives you this authority, the joy of the audience laughing with you, laughing AT you. its beautiful. The stage is like eternia!

IT JUST PLAIN ROX! I guess i can tell you more after my fest SATVAM!

The Quizzers Block

Sadism, yes Sadism defines my quizzing. Well, about a year ago, Suraj(The Psyche Files Guy) and I started off this quizzing association called F.Y.I. It was made to quench our quizzing thirst. It was made to personify our passion for quizzing. That was, is and will be F.Y.I. Now where does the sadism part come in? Hehe...Well, while we are setting up the questions, there might me instances where we go totally nuts and try to screw up the question. The answer might be as simple as the word 'fuck' or maybe 'shoe-laces'. But the question will be shit-twisted, that by the end of the quiz, the quizzers will think they are nothing short of dumb asses(though no-one generally feels like that, as all the participants are almost like us-Sadistic and the quizzing is all about fun, so no-one seems to mind)

The first quiz was good. It was well-appreciated. The second quiz was the epitome of quizzing! IT WAS ETERNAL! So what comes after eternal? Something better? How do we get something better? I mean, we had the best in the second quiz. So how do we better that? The toughest thing a person can do is excel himself, to go beyond ones best, to become the better of the best. and we intend to do just that.

So we set off on this journey a couple a weeks back. We had a friend, Ayush join us. It helped. We are three now and we have to go beyond. When we set up questions now, there is some resistance in us. We couldnt see beyond the second quiz. There seemed to be a block. A quizzers block. Its the worst thing that can happen to a quizzer. You cant think. You are stuck. The stagnation almost kills you. ITS BAD!! VERY BAD! You try to push forward. You try to inch ahead of that block. It Doesnt budge. It stays there. Exhausted and tired. It feels like some sort of a brain drain and then comes eternia!

One of the three, might have given an extra budge. A slight push. A question! A very F.Y.I'ish question and yes the block moved. We are all puzzled. We dont know who pushed it. Someone just did and it was one of us and voila! we bathe in the glory of questions! QUESTIONS THAT RELIEVE US OF OUR BONDAGE! QUESTIONS THAT ARE TRUE TO F.Y.I
Questions that are true to us.

What men really want!

It is summer, yes summer. The bloody sun is right on top of us, and sucking right at our hydration. A simple breeze can be relieving. But heck! Its always HOT! But this part is manageable. The unbearable part comes in when I have to bear this summer, with a shit boring teacher, teaching me stuff, that looks as irrelevant as sex to an impotent. The fan is hardly whirring in circles for no purpose at all. So I dig into my bag and fish out an ELIXIR. Well, that 'elixir' wont make me immortal, it will only help me live. WATER. PRE-REFRIGIRATED WATER. REAL, NICE, COOL WATER. I take a mouthful of it. Mouthful? Bullshit! I almost finished it. After this real nice refreshment, I try to give the poor teacher some attention, he is supposed to deserve.

The First ten-twenty minutes passed away in a jiffy. Then comes the attack. A very cheap attack. Almost as cheap as the low blow. I feel something tingling under my abdomen. Some really weird sensation. I look down. DARN! ITS THE ATTACK OF THE PEE. Its a nightmare. I didnt know that the water would pass through all the infinte systems of my body and would wanna get out so soon! It would have been better if i were a baby or something. I can pee anywhere and could be shameless enough not to be bothered about it and if i were a baby, my mum would make me use DIAPERS.SCREWED SHIT!(check out the irony of the word).

I try to ease myself. I rock my self to and fro. I shake my legs in agitation. Nothing seems to work. The attack is very strong. The goddamn class is not getting over. I dont wanna interrupt the old fool, he seems in a bad temper. WHAT DO I DO? GOD!!

The urgency persists througout the class and then, ETERNITY! THE SOUND OF ETERNITY! THE COLLEGE BELL. Even before the teacher could leave, I shot out of the class and jumped across the stairs and ended up before my heaven, the WASHROOM.

AND THEN I RELIEVE MYSELF OF THE WHOLE TENSION. Ah! It feels so good. GOD! Out of all the pleasures a man feels, the eternity feel is that of peeing. I mean, its better than anything on earth. A man will trade all his riches for this one little pleasure. Now I come to think of it, I think Yudhishtir in Mahabharat actually wanted to pee bad when he bet his wife and family and all of it on a game that looks like Ludo to me. The pee can cause blunders in history. Why do drunk men drive like they do? Pee. Why do babies cry? Pee. Why do dogs lift their legs?Pee. Why do divorce take place?Pee. Well, I will have to expalin the last one. This is the scenario. Husband wants to pee. The wife is busy, taking her own sweet time in the bathroom. The husband cant take it. He goes and pees in the corner of the hall. Voila! Divorce.

So men generally, dont want cash or riches or sex, All they wanna do is pee.

The Articulate Exodus

First thing first. I dont know the meaning the word 'articulate' (will check as soon as i finish typing this). I have used that word, as it sounds similar to the word 'article' i.e you know an item to write(nothing to do with 'a','an' or 'the'). So the title 'The Articulate Exodus' just means, "rush of ideas, while writing an article". So basically, its just sheer confusion. I mean, I sit in front of the very old Daewoo monitor and wonder, "What should i write about?". I mean i can write about so many things. It is after all my first blog. But then, this very confusion, has given me one ray of thought. Life, as one would say is all about choices. Lets not get into the philosophy of LIFE. These bloody choices are the ultimate cause of everything. I can go left or right. I can write this blog or cant or wont. You can either continue reading or just skip this. CHOICES.

My sisters(please note the plurality of the word), my very own sisters, are super-geniuses. You know, the hard working lot, who come up with straight A's and have a VERY good reputation in schools and junior-colleges. Well, something got into my parents and they sent me to the same school and junior-college. I just realize the magnitude of their legacy. DARN! PROBLEM STARTS! One sister finished her engineering and the other is doing Medical. So i have these really nosy neighbours, relatives and fellow society members who ask this really inevitable question "One sister has done Engineering, the other Medical, so what do you want to do?"
HECK! Whats the big idea? I mean, yeah! my sisters are geniuses and all, but hey! why the extra pressure? Handling their legacy is hard enough, i have to be careful not to break rules (though i sure do) and you know, maintain an "I am a good boy" image. Well, thats fine. But this? Bullshit! I cant get to decide, what i am gonna do the next minute and everyone asks such a cruel question!

O! CRUEL WORLD!
I SHALL TAKE MY REVENGE ON THEE!
THOU SHALL PAY FOR THIS!

I bet this is how criminals are born! This sheer confusion is like "hell broken loose". Sometimes i feel, we were better off as apes. All we had to do was jump around and the only knowledge we needed was "which banana is better?" and best of all, to impress the women, all the men(male apes) had to just take sticks and fight other males and shout "ooooo", "ah-ah","ee-ee". Thats so shit easy! But as humans! You need to have "brains". You need "cash". Hell! thats mean! WHY LORD WHY! WHY DO THIS TO US!!!

Well this is it! I will move my ass off here!
Adios!
Write in how u feel abt what i wrote